Thursday, August 26, 2010

Stupid flesh

Our cute little cabin

Jeff's collection!
Still doing great....on the diet that is.....having a HUGE flesh/heart issue with going to Seattle and NOT being able to eat what I consider yummy food!  No wine to celebrate, no desert in the nice restaurants, no bread, and what am I going to eat for breakfast in the hotel???? I can't cook my eggs and organic bacon!!!!!  I don't know what to do!::0

These went everywhere with me!
So, I need some prayer for this week....even the airplane my nuts and apples.....but that is it.  It's gonna be hard to not eat what they hand out.  Oh, who am I kidding!  They hand out peanuts!  I can live without those's going to be all the other meals "on the go" .

"Spitting in Seattle"
My flesh is telling to" go ahead and have a little desert or regular meal", so I know I am heading into a battle zone!  My flesh is screaming "VACATION" from everything...including this diet!  
Lots O water!
Bistro salads- I could take off the cheese

Stupid is slow to learn that God is already on the plane, already in Seattle, on Mt. Ranaier, has already gone before me and carved my path!!!!! 

                            We never take a vacation from God's word , right?  

Stupid just wants chocolate and a Coke 0.......God has beautiful things to show me AND HE will provide what nourishment I need during this week!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Another die- off! UGG!

Can you experience die off symptoms more than once? Like as you get farther into this and more fungus is killed at a deeper level......cause this weekend I have had NO energy, felt yucky, and this morning I feel like my head is going to explode!

Yes, it is completely normal to hit subsequent brick walls.  I believe April hit more than one in her process.    Karen, you are a month into the process... and as I explained there are various layers of tissue cells that require examination by our body's army. 

My headache is one of the worst ever!  I feel so tired and yucky...just want to parents have Karianne today and Jeff will be home soon, so I think it will be a lay in bed and rest day for me.

On day 31!!!  I'm going to push through....headache or not!

I've just been in bed all day.  My body aches all over! I am trying to remember this is a good thing.....another thick layer of fungus being taken down!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Home alone!

Suddenly, I was home kids, no husband...normally this would have been a HUGE binge time for me.  We needed milk but I refused to go to the grocery store- I decided to let Jeff get it on the way home.  I would have gone( before detox) and gotten lots of donuts..candy...and just come home and pigged out, after going through the McD's drive thru first.

But, I fought it and fought it hard!  Even just at home with not eating anything that was off limits.  I heated up left overs from last night and got busy doing laundry.

That was 3 1/2 hours it's bed time...the boys are back, Jeff is home...and it's time for bed.

Whew....I made it! Praise God for His strength!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I was a petri dish!

This Thursday will be 4 weeks exactly that she sat with me at my kitchen table for 2 hours teaching me about God's design and plan for our bodies.  I was ready to listen.  I was ready to take all that information and do something with it. God brought me to this place. 
His heart had been aching watching me "perish" with illness right there before His eyes.  
He has the answers.  
He has the cure.  
He used Deborah to feed me His truth and redirect my path to a life of "living" instead of a life of "dying".  
In 27 days I have gone from not being to get out of the bed, hold a hairdryer, unable to do basic chores and now walking, biking, and yes, even running!  
My fibromyalgia and arthritis is about 80% gone. 
In 27 days.  I am sure that if I had my diabetes test would come back negative. 

My journey is far from over...I am sure I will have to be on the "fungus killin'" phase for  at least another month or longer.  But, it will end.  It's not forever..."This too shall pass".  It's until I get rid of all the toxins that my body has had thrown at it all these years.  

My prayer is that God will show you when the right time is for you to hear this information.  And that is what it is ..information.  It's a seed to be planted and then God will grow it up in the right way.  You have to want to change.  You have to be ready.  You have to come to a point where you realize that your body is not how God designed it.  I am NOT talking about weight.   That is not the goal.  It is a by-product of eating differently, but it is not what drives you to "eat well". You have to have a crisis or be in such desperation for change that you are willing to let God take you down this path.   

I could never make it past day 3 on other diets.  
I have made it 27 days without any sugar, soda, carbs, chocolate,pasta, donuts, candy, cereal, pizza......something I NEVER thought would be possible.  
But- it is only possible when you understand what these foods are doing. 
 They are feeding the fungus and they love it! 
I am a parasites food trough!  Gross!  
When I took my focus off of losing weight and put it on my Ph levels and that my body is a petri dish....and with God's strength and timing....only then have I been able to do this.  
It's not been easy.  
It's not convenient at all.  
But God doesn't always call us to do easy and convenient things. 
He loves us and wants us to be in His image.  
We can't  come close to that if we are covered in fungus and bacteria that was not meant to be in our bodies.
God does NOT have a "fungus among us"! 

Sunday, August 15, 2010

A battle of the flesh

This is a battle of the flesh...and it's not pretty in my heart sometimes....

The only thing I can say is that me being on this diet for 23 days  without a lick of "cheating" is so beyond my own abilities ...the ONLY way I have made it this long is because of the power of my Father. 

 I also KNOW that this is what He wants me to do because all those times in the last 2 years that I have kept trying another diet and could never make it past day 3!  That was not where He wanted me, even though I thought it was. 

 He wanted me to surrender my food issues to Him for sure, but it was at a much deeper level than just a 5 bars and one lean and green meal a day! 

That was not getting to the root of where He wanted to take me.  He had such more planned for much more to teach much more to show His power in me.  That is why the other program never was on my own will, not His, cause that was not His will for me.  

I was more caught up in the quick weight loss than I was anything else.  God wanted to show me so much more!

He wants to show me how He designed my body to His image....not packaged, canned, or processed!

Thank you so much for walking through this journey with me, letting me be real,and most of all praying for me.  God has used you in a mighty way in my life.....I am so blessed He put you here!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I just want to go back to Egypt! For 5 minutes?

At Providence, the sermon series has been on know, how all the people were whining to go back to Egypt! 

Here is my version: ( with grammar not checked!)

How it seemed so good that Egypt did!  I could eat anything I wanted to- none of this desert stuff....I had variety in Egypt! Not this plain food with no sugar and chocolate....sure, I was a slave to all that food, but it doesn't seem so bad now that I am in the desert.  Where is the Promise Land I was told about? It's been 23 days now- it should be here by now.  I might as well go back to Egypt.  The Promise Land is not going to happen anyway.  It's too good to be true.  At least in Egypt I could order Papa John's pizza and always add the Cinnipie for dessert.  I could go to CiCi's and binge on the hot cinnamon rolls.  Sure, I felt horrible afterwards, I would blow up like a balloon, whine and complain about how fat and undisciplined I was.Yes- I know, I would feel soo miserable  after eating all that stuff, but it was good going down! The tears after my binges?  Oh, that's right.  I did cry a lot after eating all that yummy pizza, the 1/2 dozen donuts I would eat by myself on the way home, the fries and milkshakes I would get "for the kids".  But I don't remember crying like I am now- certainly it was not as bad as now.  Ok- so my pants were getting tighter and tighter in Egypt and I was having to buy new clothes and the pain of having to shop in the "woman's" section is deep.  You know, the "fat chick" section.  Hoping no one would see me there.  Looking at the size 18-20( XXL) sometimes even 3X just to make sure it doesn't shrink. Yes, that hurts to the core of my being. I never thought I would be this big.  I never thought it would come to this.  I never thought I would be this size.  I hate having pictures taken of myself.  I can't believe I look the way I do.  I don't want to see anyone socially.  I dread running into someone I knew from the past.  I am miserable here. But I can't stop. I love the food too much.  It gives me the quick fix that I need at the time I need it.  Ok- so shopping in the fat chick section is not too grande.  Not being able to wear cute clothes, skirts,or dresses creates great sorrow for me. Yes- it does affect my marriage- but just in a small way.  Intimacty is not all that important , right?  My husband doesn't really mind that I don't want him to touch me, right?  Well, maybe a litte....All this causes me to be depressed which just leads me right back to the donuts, M&M's at the check-out line, the huge Hersey's bar.  Don't you understand?  These things give me great satisfaction quickly! I don't have to wait.  At every turn, store, isle, shelf, drive-thru in Egypt there is delicious,sweet, chocolatety, melt in your mouth food for me!  Now I am stuck having to make sure I have some pecans or almond with me where ever I go in case I get hungry.  This desert has nothing.  Nothing delicious, nothing sweet, no drive-thu places, no Dunkin Donuts, no pizza, nothing that tastes good to me like it did in Egypt.  This desert only has stupid green things to eat.  I don't even like broccoli.  It's ugly.  I am tired of having to eat it.  I am tired of having to eat vegetables.  I don't like them.  They don't satisfy me. They don't taste good.  There is no pleasure in eating anymore.  I hate the desert.  It's hard here. I don't like having to go out with my family and watch them eat all the "good" stuff while I suffer silently having to eat my plain chicken and stinking vegetables.  It's just wrong to forced to be here. I want to go back to Egypt just for 10 minutes. Let me go for just 10 minutes.  Let me get my "fix".  I can stuff  in a lot of donuts and chocolate in 10 minutes!  Then I would feel better.  Then I could stay in this desert for a little longer.  But I just need to go back to Egypt for a small amount of time. I promise I will come right back to the desert once I have had a little some "free time" in Egypt.  Just 10 minutes is all I need.  Really, it's not too much to ask.  After all, I have been very obedient here is this desert you put me in.  I have not eaten anything you told me not to. Not even a lick.  That should count for something, shouldn't it?  I should get a few minutes off for "good behavior" , right?  
What? Don't I feel better in the desert?  Well, yes.  I can get out of bed now in the morning which I could not do in Egypt. Yes, I am able to exercise and run now which I could not do in Egypt.  Well, of course, I am eating healthier and treating my body as a Temple of God instead of my own.  It is a miracle that my children have not had fast food for 23 days.  I do have wonderful husband who is very supportive of me here in the desert..he has come along side of me when he didn't have to come. And come to think about it, God has provided me with all the food that I need for each day.  I have not had to go hungry. Food has been plentiful and abundant.  I have had my needs cared for.  The Promise Land is not so far away after all.  Egypt for even 10 minutes still sounds really good, but if it would take me off the path to the Promise Land...I think I will stay in the desert..... 

Friday, August 13, 2010

Why is this so hard?!

Why is it 10 times as hard in week 4 than in the beginning ?!!  I am wanting to eat carbs SOOOOO bad it is driving me nuts!  It incredible hard right now to not lick or "taste" something of the kids.....i have not given in....but please tell me why it's harder now than the 1st week!!!  Are the yeast just getting killed off deeper down?  arggg. I feel like I am going out of my mind!!!!

Honestly, Karen, I think a part of it is the layering of the fungi, but a apart of it, too, is just the human flesh nature.  When we first bring something new to our flesh -- be it a diet change or an exercise change, or whatever.... our flesh pitches a fit for the first little bit.  Then it gets sort of quiet... thinking, "Okay.. but this won't last."  Then as the weeks go on... the flesh figures out this change is still happening. This is where "white-knuckling" change fails.... and our endurance kicks in. We endure not because of our will -- but because of God. It is God-reliance in anything that brings success.  I have found that when people being a new thing -- they start out in the mode of self-reliance and may in fact which back and forth between God-reliance and self-reliance.  Eventually the "self" tank gives out -- then the flesh screams, "I knew you couldn't last -- just give it up now! I want what I want!!"   This is point where the Spirit really really takes off and takes over. 

This is your last hurdle in defeating the flesh.  I can tell you that. 

This is your flesh's "last stand" -- so it is the loudest.  This is the point where April had to crank up the praise music to get her mind off food.  This is where she read the Word --- even at inopportune moments -- when temptation was banging at her door.   It will not last long!  The flesh is weak... very weak... from the past four weeks.... but it can't help but try to get you to revert.

Stay tough --- it is dying!  And the Spirit is developing super strong roots. After you cross this threshold, I'll tell you that you will NO LONGER be at the mercy of "flesh cravings."  They will have died.  You will come out of this a victor over your food battles that have harassed you a very very long time! 

Crank up the worship tunes --- bury yourself in your favorite passage of the Bible.... HE is your strength right now....

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Wow! I really have come a long way in such a short time!

August 10, 2010 at 12:31pm
Subject: Sooooo PROUD of you!

I just wanted to take a moment and tell you just how proud I am of you. Not even a month into this and you are biking and walking! You go girl! I took time this morning to review your facebook posts. Perhaps you will find the log interesting... and certainly it is worth giving praise to our Father!


April: What a great day. I was diagnosed with: fibromyalgia, polymyalgia rheumatica, TMJ, elevated liver enzymes, and Vitamin D deficiency.

May: In bed since Friday- not able to move much...whole body hurts from fibromyalgia/arthritis....

June: Big slam from the doc yesterday. To add to my fibromyalgia, arthritis(type disorder) fatigue....I can now add "diabetic" to my list.
End of June: Well check up today with my family doc- his verdict of last weeks episodes....TIA- mini-strokes.

Mid-July: Seems I may have a possible answer to what happened to me last month.( 2 mini-strokes). I tested positive for a blood disorder called Lupus Anticoagulant Disorder.

(July 22nd is when we met together at your home.)

**July 23: I started a new journey today....a journey to rid myself of what has been making me sick.....Good bye fibromyalgia, arthritis, IBS, Chronic Fatigue, TIA's, blood clotting disorder, sleep apnea, insomnia, diabetes, restless leg syndrome, lactose intolerance, gluten intolerance, fat cells, toxins...

July 27: Have now made it though day 5 ....I already have less pain and more energy for the first time in 6 months.

August 3rd: Haven't ridden a bike in 15 years. Jeff bought me a pretty pink bike this week(producing much anxiety since I am scared to ride one!). However, we all just rode on the greenway and I am proud to say I rode over 4 miles!!!!! Not bad for a first ride!!

August 7: Started my walk/run program today. Off to a slow start but I have to start over from square one. Would have gone better if very ugly duck hadn't chased me, I went in the heat of the day, and I ran out of water 1/2 way around Lake Lynn. But , I made it all the way around- 2 miles. Last 10 minutes just walking, no running. Felt it would be better to walk and make it back to the car and pass out!!

ROCK ON, KAREN! Your new life is being walked out day by day. Forget about sickness -- it is just not a part of God's plan for His children willing to do the thing!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Pizza please? It's for a good reason!

Don't guess I can eat a piece of pizza for supper tonight for my brother's birthday , huh??
Would that completely undo what I have worked hard for the last 13 days?!

I knew that was the answer!  Arrgg..this is when it gets really tough.  But I can just eat before I go or get salad there.  I usually eat a huge calzone....then blow up like a balloon!


Can't believe I have hit the 2 week mark!!  I made it last night with not even a nibble of pizza!  YAAHOO!! We also usually go to Krispy Kreme on David's birthday(his last birthday cake before he died was a huge stack of KK donuts!). But my dad suggested that we skip that part so I would not be tempted....the boys didn't even whine or argue about it!

Spit test still just floating down as soon as it hits the water.......still have a long way to go...

I have lost 7-8 pounds....I have stuck here for about 5-6 days.  Shouldn't more weight be coming off by now?  I am trying to not use the scale as my judge, but I am not sure why I am not losing more, especially after this past week.

(insert whine here!)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

A few tears....

Day 10 is restful! 

Last night I was frustrated,tied, and hungry so I got teary and down.  We had dropped the boys for a kids night out at digital arts program then we went to REI to try some more bikes for me.  I also tried on some hiking shorts for when jeff and I go to Seattle at the end of this month....the size 16's would not go over my hips.  It just made me mad and cry! 

I wanted to eat the world but my wonderful hubby stopped at trader joes and got some pecans and green apples to eat.  We only had about 45 minutes before we had to pick up he boys so it was not enough time to go home.  
So, I made it through day 9 with some tears, but I made it!
If I can go 10 days with no soda, cereal, donuts, carbs.....anyone can!  I know I would never been able to work as hard as I did these past 3 days at the consignment shop if I had been throwing down my usual foods!  
I think God blessed me by allowing my body to function well these days to help my friends.  I even worked there yesterday for 4 hours , then went shopping ......3 days straight with no nap and being on my feet the whole time..

that was from God!