Saturday, August 14, 2010
I just want to go back to Egypt! For 5 minutes?
At Providence, the sermon series has been on Moses.....you know, how all the people were whining to go back to Egypt!
Here is my version: ( with grammar not checked!)
How it seemed so good that Egypt did! I could eat anything I wanted to- none of this desert stuff....I had variety in Egypt! Not this plain food with no sugar and chocolate....sure, I was a slave to all that food, but it doesn't seem so bad now that I am in the desert. Where is the Promise Land I was told about? It's been 23 days now- it should be here by now. I might as well go back to Egypt. The Promise Land is not going to happen anyway. It's too good to be true. At least in Egypt I could order Papa John's pizza and always add the Cinnipie for dessert. I could go to CiCi's and binge on the hot cinnamon rolls. Sure, I felt horrible afterwards, I would blow up like a balloon, whine and complain about how fat and undisciplined I was.Yes- I know, I would feel soo miserable after eating all that stuff, but it was good going down! The tears after my binges? Oh, that's right. I did cry a lot after eating all that yummy pizza, the 1/2 dozen donuts I would eat by myself on the way home, the fries and milkshakes I would get "for the kids". But I don't remember crying like I am now- certainly it was not as bad as now. Ok- so my pants were getting tighter and tighter in Egypt and I was having to buy new clothes and the pain of having to shop in the "woman's" section is deep. You know, the "fat chick" section. Hoping no one would see me there. Looking at the size 18-20( XXL) sometimes even 3X just to make sure it doesn't shrink. Yes, that hurts to the core of my being. I never thought I would be this big. I never thought it would come to this. I never thought I would be this size. I hate having pictures taken of myself. I can't believe I look the way I do. I don't want to see anyone socially. I dread running into someone I knew from the past. I am miserable here. But I can't stop. I love the food too much. It gives me the quick fix that I need at the time I need it. Ok- so shopping in the fat chick section is not too grande. Not being able to wear cute clothes, skirts,or dresses creates great sorrow for me. Yes- it does affect my marriage- but just in a small way. Intimacty is not all that important , right? My husband doesn't really mind that I don't want him to touch me, right? Well, maybe a litte....All this causes me to be depressed which just leads me right back to the donuts, M&M's at the check-out line, the huge Hersey's bar. Don't you understand? These things give me great satisfaction quickly! I don't have to wait. At every turn, store, isle, shelf, drive-thru in Egypt there is delicious,sweet, chocolatety, melt in your mouth food for me! Now I am stuck having to make sure I have some pecans or almond with me where ever I go in case I get hungry. This desert has nothing. Nothing delicious, nothing sweet, no drive-thu places, no Dunkin Donuts, no pizza, nothing that tastes good to me like it did in Egypt. This desert only has stupid green things to eat. I don't even like broccoli. It's ugly. I am tired of having to eat it. I am tired of having to eat vegetables. I don't like them. They don't satisfy me. They don't taste good. There is no pleasure in eating anymore. I hate the desert. It's hard here. I don't like having to go out with my family and watch them eat all the "good" stuff while I suffer silently having to eat my plain chicken and stinking vegetables. It's just wrong to forced to be here. I want to go back to Egypt just for 10 minutes. Let me go for just 10 minutes. Let me get my "fix". I can stuff in a lot of donuts and chocolate in 10 minutes! Then I would feel better. Then I could stay in this desert for a little longer. But I just need to go back to Egypt for a small amount of time. I promise I will come right back to the desert once I have had a little some "free time" in Egypt. Just 10 minutes is all I need. Really, it's not too much to ask. After all, I have been very obedient here is this desert you put me in. I have not eaten anything you told me not to. Not even a lick. That should count for something, shouldn't it? I should get a few minutes off for "good behavior" , right?
What? Don't I feel better in the desert? Well, yes. I can get out of bed now in the morning which I could not do in Egypt. Yes, I am able to exercise and run now which I could not do in Egypt. Well, of course, I am eating healthier and treating my body as a Temple of God instead of my own. It is a miracle that my children have not had fast food for 23 days. I do have wonderful husband who is very supportive of me here in the desert..he has come along side of me when he didn't have to come. And come to think about it, God has provided me with all the food that I need for each day. I have not had to go hungry. Food has been plentiful and abundant. I have had my needs cared for. The Promise Land is not so far away after all. Egypt for even 10 minutes still sounds really good, but if it would take me off the path to the Promise Land...I think I will stay in the desert.....