Sunday, October 17, 2010

"Finally, sweet child"

I need to get back to the "once a week" checking of ph, spit and weight.  It's so easy to get focused on those "numbers"(or color!).  
I truly feel that God is not going to "release" me from this until my heart is more in love with Him than the food. 
 I still have the cravings, get upset that I can't have the food I want.  It is getting less and less, though as time goes by. 
But I am still battling the flesh on this. 
Some moments I just want to go back to Egypt for an hour.  
Just an hour- or even just 15 minutes- enough to taste a bite of a donut, a bite of pizza, a huge bite of a Golden Corral yeast roll! 
I pray God will NOT give me the desires of my heart on this one and turn me over to my sinful thoughts.  His strength through this has been incredible. 
 I am not sure if there has been any other event where I have truly had to rely on Him so much to get through.  
Oh, there has been lots of tough trials and events in my life.  But this is a daily minute by minute thing- it's flesh against God.  
Not sadness over a death, worry over a job lost....but outright flesh fighting for what it wants. 
This has been a battle I have been trying to fight for 20 years or more.   
I just feel God standing next to me when I have the thought to "just take a bite"- I hear Him saying, "Trust me with this- I will be with you to the end". 
Even days when I don't even open the Bible(I know, appalling!) I feel Him with me every minute.  More so than ever.  
It's like He's saying, 
"Finally my sweet child, you have gotten to the path I wanted you to be on all these years! 
Finally, you are doing it my way, not man's way."

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