Sunday, October 17, 2010
"Finally, sweet child"
I need to get back to the "once a week" checking of ph, spit and weight. It's so easy to get focused on those "numbers"(or color!).
I truly feel that God is not going to "release" me from this until my heart is more in love with Him than the food.
I still have the cravings, get upset that I can't have the food I want. It is getting less and less, though as time goes by.
But I am still battling the flesh on this.
Some moments I just want to go back to Egypt for an hour.
Just an hour- or even just 15 minutes- enough to taste a bite of a donut, a bite of pizza, a huge bite of a Golden Corral yeast roll!
I pray God will NOT give me the desires of my heart on this one and turn me over to my sinful thoughts. His strength through this has been incredible.
I am not sure if there has been any other event where I have truly had to rely on Him so much to get through.
Oh, there has been lots of tough trials and events in my life. But this is a daily minute by minute thing- it's flesh against God.
Not sadness over a death, worry over a job lost....but outright flesh fighting for what it wants.
This has been a battle I have been trying to fight for 20 years or more.
I just feel God standing next to me when I have the thought to "just take a bite"- I hear Him saying, "Trust me with this- I will be with you to the end".
Even days when I don't even open the Bible(I know, appalling!) I feel Him with me every minute. More so than ever.
It's like He's saying,
"Finally my sweet child, you have gotten to the path I wanted you to be on all these years!
Finally, you are doing it my way, not man's way."