Wednesday, November 10, 2010

God wants something more

November 7 at 4:13pm
I have had a sense all along that God had something different planned for this journey than just becoming yeast free. 
The last few weeks I have felt very deeply that this journey was going to end up not being so much about the food but a dependence on God that I have never had before. 
God has been showing me, revealing to me something I already know...I am not maturing as a Christian. 
I have been a Christian now for 18 years and even though I have great faith, know where I am going when I die, believe beyond a shadow of a doubt Jesus is Lord, everything in the Bible is maturity has never made it past that of a child. 
I still have that child like faith- which is not a bad thing- but I never have taken it to the next level.
I don't have bible verses memorized, I can't tell you where most of the stories or people in the bible are, I can't tell you who wrote what.....I use the excuse of "I don't have a good memory with that kind of stuff"...and I also know that one does not have to be able to know the Bible backwards and forwards to love God and go to Heaven. 
There are people who "find" Jesus (I dislike that terminology, as Jesus is not the one who is lost!) a few days before they die and don't know anything where any of the books of the bible are and they are with God now. 
But, God is strongly showing me through this journey that I am missing out on the intimate relationship with Him that He designed me for. 
It's time. 
It's time I start diving into the word every day. 
It's time I start really searching out scriptures, memorizing them, knowing where they are, knowing things that an "18" year old Christian should know. 
It's time for me to "grow up". 
I've been a baby too long. 
God is using this journey, which started out being about food, to bring me to a place of maturity. 
To grow me into the woman He designed me to be. 
I have been too complacent all these years with letting my husband tell the kids all the answers they have about where things are in the bible. 
I have been too complacent about where my relationship is with my Savior. 

He clearly revealed to me about 2 weeks ago- 
"I am not releasing you from this diet until you get to the point where it's not about the diet. I want you to come to me for everything. I want you to love me more than the food. I want you to love my words more than the taste of food. I want you to stop counting the days and the pounds. I want your full attention and admiration. "

I know it has ONLY been through HIS power that I made it 106 days without cheating. 
I know He has a great purpose in my "cheating "this weekend. 
He wanted to show me what would happen when he "released me" from this just for a few minutes. 
Look what I did.
 I showed where my real loyalties are. 
Still with the food. 
When given a choice to choose.... which I feel He allowed me to have that free will- I chose the food over Him. 
It was such a powerful visual for me. 
Such a powerful, necessary lesson for me to see that even after 106 days.... my heart is not where it should be. 
He knew I needed to see this first hand. 
He allowed Satan to be right there to start feeding me the lies. 
Nothing comes before me that has not gone before my God! 
Satan is still trying at this very moment to feed me the lies. "Ha! God tested you and you failed! Of course you did, you are a failure in this area and you always will be."
.....but Satan also knows that the closer we get to God, the further of a chance he has to keep us in his devilish clutches! 
106 days of no cheating was about to drive Satan nuts! Satan is trying to tell me I have to "start all over" with day 1. 
You see, on the other diets if you mess up, you have to start all over.
7 mini chocolate bars and a handful of pretzels are NOT going to undo what I have done for 106 days! 
I will NOT let him fool me into believing that. 
I can totally see how God allowed this to use for others. 
I am sure there are so many others out there that get to this point and do end up listening to the failure lies. 
They give up.
 I am not going to be one of those statistics! 
I know God will use this for me to help others get through the same "cheating" episodes that I just went through. 
My "choice" would have been to say that when this was all over (like there is really an end to this journey!) that I made it all the way through with no cheating! 
But that was not God's plan. 
He wanted me to go through this weekend so that I can see His mercy, grace, love, and how much He really does want me to make this journey less about food and more about Him.

As soon as I ate the first set of candy...I immediately knew I was going to have to confess to 2 people. Deborah and Jeff. 
It had become a part of this journey that I could not keep to myself. 
It was not to remain silent. 

As I am sitting here I thinking,
 "all this just over a few mini candy bars?Really?" 
Really.....God is that serious. 
He wants my attention. 
He wants my full admiration. 
He wants my whole heart. 
Just as we love watching our children grow and learn new things- He desires that for me. 
He wants me to stop being in the baby stage and grow up" in Him". 

This journey is going to lead me into a deeper intimate relationship with my Savior. 
How exciting that we serve a God that loves us so much that He will allow us to go through whatever it takes to draw closer to Him.

I have never been one to just "open" the bible and start reading. I have always relied on a bible study to get me in the word. Bible studies are important, but I don't feel God calling me to "do" that. I feel him calling me to study the bible! My first inclination is to go "find" a book that I could do a study to help me get closer to Him. I already have the book......actually I have several copies. 
I don't need "another" study book to help me study the bible. 
I just need to study the bible! 
His word is all I need right now.
I seem to have always relied on "others" to help me learn about God. 
I need to stop trying to go through the middleman.

I have the only book I need and a God who is ready and eager to teach me everything I need to know!

Oh, but I do LOVE how He speaks through you, Deborah! So keep that writing going. Your ministry is a huge part of how God has chosen to show me how little I have matured spiritually over 18 years. He has used you as an example of what a maturing Christian looks like. Oh, I have seen many before. But He has chosen you specifically to teach me and guide me in this spiritual growth area. 
He has different plans for my growth than yours for sure.....and I can't wait to see what they are!

And all this time I thought you just did "diet" do actually have lots of other parts to your ministry! 
God's first step in my maturity....opening my eyes to why you don't have a "diet" link on your web page! 
Maybe that has been reserved for mine! :)

1 comment:

K Belle said...

How can there be zero comments on this entry? It is 1 of the best!

It is of a truth that starting all over and counting day 1 is 100% unnecessary - the Apostles surely didn't do that in their failures, but rather "pressed in". They pressed into prayer, into scripture, into praise, confession, and the next action step in their walk w/ Christ.

So glad to hear you say that our Lord requires more - most Christians are offended at the word "requires" but it is true - search the scripture about good fruit and what happens to those who arrive in heaven without it!

You keep pressing in and taking the challenge to grow that good fruit and I, being encouraged, will too - on purpose.

K Belle 8/7/14 Missouri