Friday, April 10, 2009
Waffling around....... from my first blog in April 2009
On Wednesday of this past week I was feeling, well.....like a failure. The thoughts- you know the kind- where you feel like you are such a horrible mother, wife, teacher, friend.....the works. Funny how they all hit at one time. Those feelings can't take turns like we are all taught in preschool. No, they are selfish and self-defeating feelings that are all begging for your attention at the same time. So where did I turn when bombarded with such thoughts? To waffles, of course. Oh, yes.... and lots of them ...with a heaping of butter and a slathering of syrup. A heaping of butter not just on the top waffle. There had to be a good chunk on each individual waffle all the way down to the last one on the bottom. What is the point of just putting butter on the top one? Doesn't the last one on the plate deserve to be enjoyed as much as the first? It's not his fault he was put on the plate last. All waffles deserve the same amount of butter in my book. The syrup is never put away in the pantry until all the waffles are eaten. Why waste valuable time and energy having to go back and forth to the pantry to get more? It's only fair. The last bites of waffles should have the same respect as the first. Besides, what if there is some butter left at the end and no syrup to mix with it?
Once in bed that night, I moaned and groaned a little ( ok- I was out right moping). You see, my belly was severely bloated from all the carbs, sugar, and the medical fact that I am unable to digest any lactose. The 6 waffles I ate for supper ( and all the non-food addicted people say.."how on earth could you eat 6 waffles? I can only eat 2 at a time..oh, my....) were sitting heavy. The 6 I ate for breakfast had not yet gotten through my system.( yes- you read it right) So..... sing with me...."12 little waffles sittin' in my belly... making me feel really fat and swelly."
My wonderful husband noticed my moping and asked what was wrong. My usual response.."I feel miserable. I can't stop eating. I can't do anything right....etc." He then proceeded to tell me what I already knew. I needed to turn to God instead of food. Thanks, honey-ok- nighty night. Thanks for your input. Always love getting advice about food from someone who can let mold grow on Krispy Kreme donuts.....( I know- THAT is just not right! What person in their right mind could just let donuts go without being eaten? As one of my "die-hard" food addicted friends said, "I would have just taken the mold off and eaten the rest!" She will go nameless.) I went to sleep hearing the words..."run to God instead of food". Sweet dreams...
The next morning failure was still hovering in my head. Like a guest that won't leave. A cat that won't get off the paper you are reading. Like a child that starts whining and crying as soon as the phone rings and it's a call you really need to take. You try to shake it off, think of other things...but the failure bug has permeated your every thought. You are tired of feeling this way.....it's becoming more of a normal day than a bad day here and there.
My first thought? Waffles. That would make everything better. I stopped myself just in time.....ok.....actually I realized there WERE no waffles because I had eaten all of them the day before! Problem solved, right? I started to feel anxious, panicky, obsessed with the fact that there were no waffles for my daily shot of butter , carbs and syrup. ( not that the kids would not have their usual breakfast...nope...didn't care about that...they can always just have cereal). I instinctively grabbed the phone in tears to call my best friend. That is when I felt the pull and the call.....from God this time. "Run to me this time....you run to your friends, food, anything but me. Come to me this morning and let me fill the void that can only be filled by me." I put the phone down and just cried. I got out my bible and did something I am not usually comfortable with or used to.....just started letting the pages turn praying that God would let them stop where He wanted them to. I flipped through half heartily with no real faith that God even cared enough about this issue to "give me a verse".
Then it happened. A passage caught my eye. Jeremiah 13. "The Ruined Waistband". I actually chuckled when I read it thinking to myself, "yup, I have a ruined waistband alright!" I read the passage and thought- oh, there is more to this story, I don't know the context, and certainly it has nothing to do with my waistband. Then I got to verse 10 &11:
"This wicked people, who refuse to listen to My words, who walk in the stubbornness of their hearts and have gone after other gods to serve them and bow down to them, let them be just like this waistband, which is totally worthless. For as the waistband clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole household of Israel and the whole household of Judah cling to ME, declares the Lord, that they might be for ME a people, for renown, for praise, and for glory, but they did not listen."
Well....alrighty, then! Out of context or not.....the Lord was clearly telling me that I refuse to listen to His words, I am stubborn in my heart, have gone to other gods to serve them and bow down to them. ( that is where the food comes in!) Because of this....I will not only have a ruined waistband......I will be just like one. Worthless. Not worthless in God's sight, but worthless to be for HIM, for praise and for glory. All the things that He deserves. I can't serve two masters. I can't listen to God in some areas of my life and just completely ignore this one.
Eating too much is a sin. Eating for the wrong reasons is a sin. Eating to fill the space that only God can fill .....is a sin. A sin is a sin is a sin.....in God's eyes. We put sins in hierarchy...." well at least I don't do that...".
To God, overeating or eating for the wrong reasons is saying He is not enough. We need more. We need other gods to help out.
Eating is NOT a sin ....but the motives behind why we eat can be. We obviously need food to survive. But our lack of faith that God will provide just what we need on a daily basis......a sin.
Now you know how I came to the passage Jeremiah 13 called "The Ruined Waistband". In one word......God. He took me right to it. He is a personal God. He cares about every detail of our lives. So- for now....no more waffling around...it will only add to my already ruined waistband.
The good news......God is the MASTER of restoration! He can raise the dead.....fixing a ruined waistband.....no prob, bob. We must want to have it fixed first.
We must hand Him the waistband. Hand it over! He can't fix it if you are still holding on to it.
"Step away from the waffle........" :)