Thursday, April 9, 2009
The Ruined Waistband....... from my first blog in April 2009
This is from my first blog I started last year. Just thought I would stick it in to share a little background.
I mean, after all, it's just syrup. How can something that sits in a container- with no life, no breath, no goals, no ambitions- have such power over me? Just by looking at the bottle conjours up lots of thoughts and emotions. Waffles, pancakes, french toast.....all the comfort breakfast foods I love.
I have discovered over the last few years that my love of syrup, butter, pancakes, waffles, donuts- ok....food.....is something that has slowly taken me away from my love of God. I have slowly replaced God with food. Satan has led me to believe that food is my hero. My emotional comfortor. My escape. My faithful friend that will always be there for me and make me feel better. Food is easy to run to. It's readily accesable, provides instant gratification, and well- it tastes good. Now- I am not talking about the kind of food that is healthy. I am talking about carbs, carbs, and more carbs. Throw some fat and chocolate in the mix and you have got something to live for. Anyone with me yet? The food that keeps you coming back for more even when you are so full and disgusted you can't move. The food that you say you will "never eat again". The food that gives you that "quick fix" for the emotional distress you feel when you are down , someone cut you off in traffic, your kids are driving you crazy, your house is a mess and you are too tired to clean it, your daughter just spilled a whole carton of milk on the floor, you have a sick kid, your pants you just wore last week are too tight.....you know...that kind of food. That's right-you are depressed because your pants are too tight. The solution? More food......which then continues the ever vicsious cycle of defeat. Which leads me back to Satan. He wants us to stay in that cycle. He wants us to be on the fast spin cycle of defeat where we can't slow down long enough to turn the stop button off. He wants to keep us believing that food is our saviour. He wants to keep us so distracted by little things that will send us down the wrong path. He wants to keep us from knowing the truth. Food is not our saviour. God is. Food is not our faithful friend. God is. Food is not an escape. God is. Food is not our emotional healer. God is. Food is no hero. But my God IS.........He can do things that the silly bottle of syrup in the pantry could only dream of doing. ( Oh, that's right...syrup is not even alive, but yet it has power?!)
I am on a journey. A journey to replace food with God. I have started and restarted this journey many times. Satan wants me to believe that God doesn't even have anything to do with my love of food. God wants me to know that food has become my idol and He wants me back. This is a spiritual journey......a battle actually.....one that God has already won. I have a choice to make- God or Satan. There is no in between. There is no sitting on the fence. I can't eat donuts out of lust and then turn around and worship my Lord. Yes- eating too much is a sin. I am a sinner. I need a saviour. I have one who is waiting for me to "run" to Him. He is waiting with open arms. He is fat free, carb free, cellulite free, sugar free, caffeine free, guilt free, lactose free and most of all Satan free.
I am writing this blog ( against all that is in me) to help me. I feel God calling me to journal my journey. I have no idea what He will do this. I have no idea who will read it. I have no idea what I will say, when I will say it, or what form in will be said. I do know that God is speaking to me and I am ready to listen. I don't want to be a " ruined waistband". I don't want to be "worthless" in His sight.